Some Things about Kiddos that Don’t Belong to You…

Confession: I do not have children … that I know of.

(Now, I get this expression is really only humorous when made by a guy. Since women are the ones birthing children, to not know that you had one seems medically improbable and much less believable, and therefore not nearly as funny. So thanks for letting me explain that joke I never made …)

I not only don’t have kids, but for today, at least, I am totally OK with that. Now don’t get me wrong, I like most kids, and one day I hope to have a few if that’s what God wills. But today that’s not my reality or even my desire.

Let me also say, if you’re a mom right now, gosh, I respect the heck out of you. Watching my sisters and friends have children has wholly altered my view of motherhood. According to my observations, parenthood seems to be the hardest thing anyone can do, apart from completing an Ironman Triathlon or successfully leaving Target without purchasing anything.

All you moms out there, this is not me being facetious; it’s me being extremely serious: you guys are AMAZING.

Like wow. I’m tired and in awe just thinking about your life, but also filled with admiration for the fact that you are raising the next generation of humans.  At a time when it feels hardly possible for me to feed, clothe, and get myself out of the house, you are doing that for multiple people every day. If you’re reading this as a mom, I want you to literally pat yourself on the back and repeat: “I’m doing it. And I’m awesome. … Someone bring me a freaking milkshake.” If I were with you, you could count on me to hand-deliver that milkshake. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s supporting your emotional needs through the provision of high-calorie, nutritionally deprived treats.

So, while dreaming that we have chocolate shakes in hand, let’s gab about kids—specifically the ones that don’t belong to you.

Just because I don’t have any kids, doesn’t mean I’m incapable of personally impacting the next generation, or even the kiddos just a few years younger than me. You and I don’t need our own children to have influence, and we don’t have to limit our impact on the next generation to those just within our homes. Don’t get me wrong, I fully believe that the hard work of discipleship is meant to first of all take place within the home. That was God’s intention, and I’m no one to argue it.

In fact, your greatest gift to the world could be the one you are raising into adulthood right now—even the one you just put in time-out because he threw your iPhone directly at his sister’s head. (*This is an adaptation of a real-life scenario recently witnessed at my sister’s house. There was crying, and there was punishment, and we all grew from it.*)

But if you have no one referring to you as “Mommy” right now (and, no, your cats don’t count), don’t diminish your opportunity for impact. If you or I don’t end up experiencing the gift of biological motherhood anytime soon, we can undoubtedly experience the gift of spiritual motherhood.

Spiritual motherhood is an opportunity for any God-fearing woman at any age to love, develop, and invest in those younger than herself and in need of spiritual maturation.

I have the best mom anyone could ever ask for, but throughout my lifetime, I’ve also had spiritual mothers committed to nurturing and encouraging Christlikeness in me, even if just for a season. I am a deeper, more fully grown Christ-follower and person today because of it. I am so grateful that those people didn’t dismiss an opportunity to teach me something just because I didn’t call them “Mom” or “Dad.”

But for as long as my reality doesn’t include my own physical children, I pray it will always include spiritual ones—and I hope that for you too. The beauty of that desire rests in the reality that it is entirely up to us whether or not it occurs. I can guarantee that no matter where you are in your life, you know someone younger than you who needs to be discipled.

There is someone within your realm of influence and ability whom you can love and encourage and point back to the goodness of Christ:

·      Someone who needs to do their laundry at your house and have you listen to their boy drama while they fold socks.

·      Someone who will gladly come over and eat your frozen pizza or let you teach them how to do their taxes (and, trust me, they won’t know you have no idea what you’re talking about).

·      Someone you can commiserate with over the fears of adulthood or someone who needs you to be at their basketball game when their mom or dad can’t.

·      That certain someone most likely exists in your life right now, and you can share your life and home with them—your very imperfect, messy life and home.

They will never forget that you did, and then, one day, will hopefully do the same for someone else, because spiritual motherhood is very easily replicated.

Even with actual kids in your house, the gifts of your motherhood can be extended to other kiddos in your path. For me, having no idea what marriage or parenthood will look like, I am still learning a lot about it by watching families live it out around me. Every time a couple or a stay-at-home mom invites me over for coffee or a movie, they are teaching me things I’m desperate to learn.

They may not realize it, but as I watch people who love God and love their families, I am being shaped by them. I glean equally from their successes as I do their mistakes—just beyond grateful that they would give me the gift of witnessing both. It’s the most wonderful gift.

Because when we open up our lives to others, we contribute to their growth. We grant them a perspective they may not otherwise have gained apart from our vulnerability to open our lives to them.

The truth I often have to remind myself of is this: my life is not my own anyway.

·      I try desperately to keep it all to myself, but Christ came to free me from that, from a life lived singularly for self.

·      Therefore, in Christ, all things once supposedly belonging to me are not my own anymore, including but not limited to: my home, my resources, my time, and my life experience.

·      These gifts are no longer mine to cling to, but to hold openhandedly for the use of our Father and the building of His kingdom.

We have to remember that discipleship—sharing and pouring our lives and Christ’s love into other people—was His final command to us on this earth. It is the work He will consistently call us to from now until eternity. Because of this, I will always have the opportunity to create a legacy of discipleship through spiritual children. Those kiddos may not belong to me, but they’ve been intentionally placed in my life by a shared heavenly Father. And I believe you probably have a few of those in your very life. I love that we get to be a part of that kind of family, so let’s not neglect those opportunities to contribute to our spiritual family any longer.

(But also, just FYI, if your kiddo spills your chocolate milkshake on my rug, you may not get invited back. Just kidding, ya’ll … sort of.)