Some Things about Finding Myself in France…

How I ended up in France recently is the best story I haven’t told you yet…

So let’s just start at the beginning, shall we?

Picture it: it’s late December of this past year and I’m heading back home to Georgia for Christmas soon. It’s not only quite cold, but I’m finding myself to be fairly lonely (a terrible combo, really). So naturally, I figured it was finally time for me to try online dating for the first (and maybe last) time in my entire life. Now how I managed to avoid it for that long is a total mystery, but then once I tried it I realized precisely why I had managed to avoid it for that long. *Obviously no disrespect AT ALL to the thousands of people this option works for daily, overall it just wasn’t my favorite experience, and maybe being cold and lonely weren’t good enough reasons to either start it or keep at it…

But I hoped perhaps the coldness and loneliness would cease when I matched with this seemingly charming fellow while visiting friends in North Carolina for New Year’s Eve. I was skeptical at first, but New Year, New Me, right? Right. Thankfully this guy’s wit paired with our shared values and sense of humor immediately drew me in. I could tell there was something there. And I was right. There was certainly something there.

And much to my surprise and despite my skepticism, we kept talking- and things kept getting better and deeper ( A good natural progression for relationships so I’ve heard). But since he lived on the East Coast and I obviously live in Texas, the distance kept us from ever meeting in person. During one of our conversations late one evening he brought up that he’d be heading to Lourdes, France in May for a spiritual pilgrimage that the Knights of Columbus sponsor each year for wounded warriors and military personnel. And while pretending to have obviously heard of both before, I immediately google “Knights of Columbus” and “Lourdes, France” to try and contribute to the conversation a bit.

Needless to say, I was a little jealous yet super excited for him… I’d never been on a spiritual pilgrimage, much less to one in the South of France, and the combination sounded unbelievably dreamy. But it got even dreamier from there when he informed me he could invite someone to join him on the trip as a “companion.” And yes, I was naturally eager and would have been totally flattered to fill his “companion” spot. I mean I have friends and have, you know, accompanied people before… therefore, I was probably the best gal for the job right? I suppose he thought so too.

So he invited me, to be his companion- to France- in May- for this spiritual pilgrimage- for free. Ok. 

At this point, we had never even met in person, but he seemed like an upstanding kinda guy and this opportunity was literally too good to pass up. So we both applied for said pilgrimage, he wrote a glowing recommendation letter for me, and we anxiously awaited to see if we would be chosen for this once-in-a-lifetime trip. I mean seriously, going to France with a guy you’re really into and getting to meet with God in new ways while I was there? Ummm, yes please… or rather, wait for it: “Oui, s’il vous plaît!” (See I’m already killing this companion role so far).

But let’s not get too excited here, because as dating couples tend to do (at least in my case), eventually said guy and I “broke up,” or “stopped talking,” or whatever it is you call it when you initiate and then end a relationship with someone online. I have no idea how to characterize it other than, all of a sudden, he was not in my life anymore because we couldn’t find alignment on where we thought our futures were going (in his words). Which was sad, and hard to hear, and gosh am I sick of this happening over and over again.

You know at this stage in my life, relationships ending are just, not cute, to say the least. Especially when you start talking about the future with someone and picturing your life with them. Especially when they say things like, “I would totally marry you if it weren’t for _______ (fill in the blank with various reasons I’ve heard before here).” 

Yeah, not cute at all. Sucky, very sucky, and real sad. And this one coming to an end was sad, just like the other two relationships that came to an end for me this past year. And per my usual response: queue the tears, queue the same conversations with God, queue the confusion. 

And queue me finding out I got accepted to go to France two weeks later. Bahaha. 

So now it looks like I’ll be going to France with this dude I’m no longer talking to nor have ever met in person. Along with about 200 other military personnel and some very devout Catholics. Ideal. 

Oh, and- I’m not in the military, nor am I Catholic, did I mention that? So basically I will fit in swimmingly. But it’s France, and it’s the Lord, and those were the only reasons I needed to move forward with this whole thing. So move forward I did. 

But let’s skip ahead a few months to a few weeks before I leave for my spiritual pilgrimage with all the people I don’t know and the guy I’m no longer talking to. Because turns out homeboy wants to start talking again. All of a sudden he’s real chatty after ghosting me two months prior. And I should have been suspicious, but I’m far too hopeful for that.

After two months of complete silence, he determines he wants to rekindle something even though he was the one to end things the first time. So he reaches out- and being the gullible, yet hopeful person I am, I respond. And he keeps reaching out and I keep responding for a few weeks. And like every good Christian girl I’m all: “Is this a sign God? Are you bringing this guy back into my life? We will fall in love in France? Will I become his companion for life?” (Now don’t act like you weren’t asking the exact same question here lol).

FYI, God did not confirm nor deny any of the aforementioned questions. Darn.

But of course, I was happy to fill in the blanks with as many positive answers to those questions as I could muster up. (Classic Cimber)... Because obviously after having 3 relationships end in the past year God must have destined for me to fall in love in the south of France. That just sounds like God, doesn’t it? Wow, what a story He’s been planning this whole time and surely this will make all the tears worth it.

Except that’s definitely NOT what happened. 

Deep-down Classic Cimber knew better because she knows she can’t ever guess what God is doing nor what He’s up to. And that was certainly the case here. Because it turns out the attention from just me wasn’t enough to satisfy homeboy… I suppose from his perspective why would you settle for having one girl in your life when you can have multiple? Turns out his ability to be forthright with me about it was pretty lacking. And turns out that kinda guy just isn’t for me, I should have remembered one messy go-round was enough. 

And turns out I find all this out about a week before we leave for France. Yay!

But the least I could do was tell him I no longer wanted to keep talking nor move forward with whatever was happening between us. And the least I could do was try to forgive him so we could still both have a great experience in France. Because not even a player is gonna keep me from living my best life in France while eating my weight in croissants and crepes. 

Little did he know pastries have always been my first love, anyways.

So we stop all communication even though we were going to see each other soon when meeting for the first time in Europe. Cool, cool, cool… And he’s vegan so there is no way we’d ever be able to reconcile over a shared croissant. Do you know how much butter those things have?

But dangit, not even my experience with this yahoo was gonna keep me from meeting with God in France the next week. So I packed my very-over-weight suitcase and mentally prepared myself for a plethora of awkward encounters with the guy who invited me to France but was no longer in my life. And two over-weight bag charges, three flights, and one bus ride later, to France I went. 

Little did I know I’d be traveling with another group of Americans made up of mostly veterans, a few active-duty members, an Air Force Colonel, 2 Catholic priests, and a fellow Protestant. And little did they know I’d made it my mission to become best friends with all of them that week. Like I said three flights and one bus ride later, we all arrived in the French Pyrenees Mountains, better friends than when we’d left but not quite “besties” status. But I had a whole week to win them over. 

But winning people over isn’t hard when they love Jesus and are themselves absolutely lovely. And those were the people I met when journeying to Lourdes. And although I’d left the states with a desire to meet with God and to avoid a certain guy, I’d instead encounter these fellow pilgrims whose lives and stories would stay with me forever. And instead of judging me for how I had gotten there, they welcomed me, and championed me, and let me join them on the journey as if I were one of their own. And that meant more to me than they will ever know.

But wait, what happened to homeboy you ask? Turns out he decided not to come to France after all, and naturally not to tell me about it. Shocking.

And even though I was mentally and emotionally prepared to meet him and be cordial so we could both have an incredible experience, I could not have been more relieved he didn’t show. Because then it was just me and the Lord in France together, and my fellow pilgrims of course. Plus all the pastries- let’s not forget those…

And it was utterly, truly, one of the best experiences of my life. 

What I assumed 5 months ago would be a story of some guy pursuing me, was really a story about the pursuit of God. Yes, he used that guy to get me there and I’m grateful to that guy for that, but it’s always been about me and Jesus at the end of the day, and every day.  Because for some reason, I needed to travel a long way to see Jesus in new ways. 

I suppose I needed to be reminded that He will always go to the greatest lengths to meet with us, and pursue us, and draw us back to Him. I just never knew He would do that for me by sending me across the world. But I’ve learned by now to not put anything past the Lord. His realm has always been in the unthinkable or the atypical. 

I went to France searching for something. For direction, for what lies ahead for me, for revelation and clarity. For a path, really. And what God met me with instead were people and His presence. And I think now both of those matter more than any certain path. Relationships. Fellow Pilgrims. People… and the souls those people embody and the stories they carry, those matter. And that is what I found there. That God really does care about people, all people- sometimes enough to shake them out of their ordinary and everyday realities to reveal new things, fresh things, sacred things. 

Because we are all on a journey towards God, and towards heaven. And Lourdes was a place along the journey I will never forget. It was a place where I was reminded that God is always moving toward us and drawing us to Himself. He can use anyone, and He wants to meet with everyone. He delights in simple faith and obedience, and He often uses the lowly to reveal His majesty and power.  That’s what the city of Lourdes is all about, that God chose a simple, young French girl from the 1800s to reveal His desire to heal us and bring glimpses of heaven to earth.

And being there reminded me that we are all seeking healing somehow, and that it’s our need for God that connects us to each other. 

I honestly think my life will always be a little different because of that trip. Not because it was beautiful and fun and fascinating, although it was all those things, but because I really believe God sent me there for purposes I can’t even fully fathom right now. And that alone reminds me that following Jesus really is the greatest adventure.

He turned a disappointing story about me dating some guy into a love story about Himself. Which I know sounds so corny but just couldn’t be more true for me. The Lord is funny and redemptive like that, even when we least expect it or deserve it. 

And by visiting a place in the world that’s renowned for its miracles, turns out the greatest miracle is us getting to belong to Him. And how He puts fellow pilgrims on our path at exactly the right time. Because we need each other on the journey.

And with a full week of being saturated in the beauty of the Catholic church and its traditions (and not trying to embarrass myself at mass), I still don’t quite know what to do with the Virgin Mary, but perhaps that’s a question for another day. But for now, I know what to do with her Son: keep following Him, keep seeking Him, keep looking for Him. Because He’s everywhere. Even in very unlikely trips for a very undeserving girl.

Turns out He’s in the crepes, too- because those were quite literally, a little bit of heaven on earth. 

And that’s just a taste of what I found in France… et c’est la vie.