Some Things about Borrowed Intimacy (for all my ministry pals)

Where are my ministry folks who’ve had at least 10-20 faith-centric conversations this past week? 

I see that hand, friend. Mine’s up too.

As astounding as it still is to many of us that we get paid to talk about God with people all day, it is ACTUALLY amazing that we get paid to talk about God with people all day. It’s an overwhelming privilege and an undeserving opportunity. And for many of us, not only is this privilege literally our job, but hopefully and more importantly, our calling, desire, and passion. But wow, what in the world- we are the luckiest crew around…

And with the fall in full force, we’re not only kicking off our ministry years, but discipling leaders, filling up our calendars with one on one’s, and having more conversations about Jesus over coffee than small Latin American countries can support. 

But as our schedules are filled with conversations and meetings about Jesus and for Jesus and around Jesus, we must be mindful of one critically important thing as our calendars are overflowing. 

And that reminder is simply this: we cannot borrow spiritual intimacy with God from the conversations we’re having with others. 

Conversations about God, although incredibly beautiful, beneficial, and necessary in their own right, are not conversations with God. 

For the past many years, it’s been both my profession and passion to talk to college students about their relationships with Christ, both in university settings and now in a church setting. And near the beginning of every year as my daily schedule gets filled with conversations about Christ, I can easily fall into what I like to call: borrowed intimacy.

In other words, without even realizing it, it’s tempting for me to borrow from the spiritual intimacy others are experiencing with Christ by stealing it for myself. 

For example:

• My college students are studying the book of Hebrews right now and talking to me about it quite a bit. They're excited about what they’re learning, which is so cool. But before I know it, I’m borrowing more from their experiences studying than I am gleaning on my own. 

• The conversations I’m having with coworkers or colaborers about how they’re being stretched in their faith leads me to temporarily believe that’s how the Lord is asking me to be stretched too. Their lessons from him have become my lesson.

• I try to feed off the vigor I see in my leaders who recently led a friend to Christ to instead satiate my own desire to see others come to know Him. I temporarily allow their zeal to satisfy my own hunger for the lost coming back home to Christ.

And before I know it, I can spend a chunk of my day talking about Jesus but not to him- thinking about him, but not drawing near to him. 

I can exist as a bystander to his work all day without entering into his presence. 

• Should I absolutely know better? Yes…

• Can this happen more often than I like to admit? Also yes…

• Is it a temptation for all of us who are consistently having conversations around faith and discipleship? Perhaps. 

But we all know a borrowed spiritual intimacy is a facade that cannot sustain a life dedicated to the work of the ministry, or any life dedicated to seeking and serving Christ.

Of course our ministry conversations are extremely helpful to our people and to us, but they prove to be a hollow substitute when it comes to actually sustaining us. 

Because although our work is centric around Jesus, it does not automatically equate to intimacy with Jesus.

So that's my simple reminder perhaps mostly for myself today. An obvious truth that I can’t afford to live without: 

• To talk to Jesus as much as I talk about him. 

• To be personally with the Lord and not just his people. 

• To enjoy intimacy with Christ, not for the sake of what I can share with my ministry staff, but simply because he is my first love. 

It’s true that to walk and wade through the lessons, breakthroughs, and victories of those entrusted to us is one of the great privileges we’ve been given as shepherds and disciplers. 

But let us simply not forget that lessons, breakthroughs, and victories are awaiting us in the quiet places alone with Christ as well. 

Intimacy with him is too beautiful a thing to borrow from anyone else, even the people we love or the ones we’re serving. 

Draw away and be still. To learn, to listen, and to lead in a manner that’s completely dependent on our Savior. I’m aiming to do the same. 

Amen.