Some Things about your Best Friend’s Wedding

I, like most normal people, am obsessed with Julia Roberts.

She’s starred in more great movies than should probably be allowed. Here, let me list a few for ya: Pretty Woman, Notting Hill, Steel Magnolias, Ocean’s 11, Mona Lisa’s Smile, America’s Sweethearts, Runaway Bride, Wonder, and Eat, Pray, Love—and the list literally goes on and on. Julia herself is a wonder, to say the least. She’s also a Georgia native, which is maybe why I’m partial to her, but whatever. The whole freaking world loves her too.

One of the first films (also, yes, I did just say “films,” and, no, I’m not your grandma) that I saw her in was the ’90s cult classic, My Best Friend’s Wedding. And I’ve never been the same since.

Her wild, unruly auburn hair, high-waisted jeans, and endless crop tops still inspire me to this day. Also, can we just take a quick sec to talk about Dermot Mulroney, who plays the role of the best friend and Julia’s love interest? Gosh, I think my middle-school self first experienced love when I saw him in that movie. His voice, his hair, his weird upper-lip situation, all of it so dreamy, so very dreamy.

Man, oh man—if you haven’t seen it, shame on you. Just stop reading right now and rent it on Amazon. I will not in the least bit be offended. And you’re quite welcome. Plus, I don’t want to ruin the premise of the story if you haven’t seen it, which I’m about to recap right now. Here goes:

So we find Julia Roberts, our dear leading lady, invited into the role of maid of honor in her upcoming best friend’s wedding. We’ve all been there. Except (plot twist!), she isn’t the best friend of the bride, as is typically expected, but rather, the best friend of the groom, aka dreamy Dermot Mulroney himself. Thanks to her MOH duties (or perhaps out of sheer jealousy), she realizes somewhere along the way that she’s in love with Dermot.

And Dermot is the groom-to-be to a blonde, bob-headed baby Cameron Diaz. Then, naturally, chaos ensues as Julia’s character pretty much tries to sabotage the entire wedding, a task she almost accomplishes. At this point, she is pretty much the worst best friend of all time—except, you’re totally rooting for her to get the guy the whole movie. But will she? Just go watch it already. I’m not gonna tell you everything.

Gosh, My Best Friend’s Wedding taught me so much—mostly that I miss the ’90s and that women everywhere are vicious. But also that weddings reveal the best and worst in people, and sometimes, sadly, it’s often the worst. That’s just because stress is a silent killer, and nothing is more stressful than a wedding, so I get it. Actually, childbirth may be more stressful, but I haven’t experienced either, so I’m going out on a limb here. Feel free to disagree.

The movie also taught me that when your people get married, especially your best friends, sacrifices must be made. You end up doing things you never thought you would do in normal life, like wearing floor-length lilac gowns and braving gross karaoke bars for bachelorette parties. Both of which happen in this movie, and which may very well occur in real life.

If the collective experience of your twenties could be summarized one specific way, it’s this:

• Ten years of weddings. A decade of bridal showers, and bachelorette parties, and bridesmaid dresses, and more showers, and thousands of dollars spent in the process.

• And then add another shower in there at some point. Not the warm, end-of-the-day kind of shower; more like the “I just spent a small fortune on this gorgeous party I threw for my friend” type of shower.

• I could have paid for a small island off the coast of Taiwan with the amount of money I spent on weddings in my twenties. But Taiwan is very far away, and your friends are up close for the rest of your life, so we make it work.

Because at 95 percent of those weddings, I had the time of my life and got to celebrate my closest pals; and for them, it really was the best day of their life. And I can always get behind that. But being a great bridesmaid is an art form, and throwing a great bridal shower is no small feat either.

I believe I can speak as some small form of an expert on both subjects because I was in ten weddings throughout my twenties and have thrown twice as many showers in the process. No joke. It is somewhat hilarious, though, that despite being in that many weddings, I never got a decent date out of it. That’s pretty sad, actually, and no one is laughing. In fact, I may now be crying. … Wait for it. … I’m fine.

Also, major side note, being in a wedding as a dude is 100 percent different from being in a wedding as a female. Obviously, I’ve never been a dude, but I still know this to be true. It’s completely unfair. Here’s a brief synopsis of the difference, with me talking to any guy who’s ever been preparing to be in a wedding:

“Oh, I’m sorry, you had to buy a bow-tie for this wedding we’re going to be in, sir? What did that set you back—$17? Oh, and heaven forbid, you have to rent your tux for the day! Excuse me while I barf into this $300 dress that I just picked up and don’t like very much, or this $100 Egyptian-cotton sheet set I purchased for my friend’s third, I repeat, third bridal shower.

“Oh, you didn’t have a shower for the groom? And buying cute lingerie for him isn’t a thing? Cool. Wait, what’s that? Oh yeah, that’s just my $40 French manicure talking—the one that I’ll get the day before the ceremony—or maybe it’s those fake eyelashes you’re hearing, or the $100 I’ll spend on having my hair and makeup done for this shindig. But it’s fine. Why don’t you just put some gel in your hair before the whole thing and we will all be impressed.

“And have fun on your bachelor weekend getaway with all the guys. Oh cool, cool, cool, of course you’re not doing that either—you’ll just buy a couple of packs of beer the night before and make a fire in some dude’s backyard. Meanwhile, us girls will pay to fly in a very costly, professional trapeze artist for our destination bachelorette weekend. And, yes, I love paying a fortune for experiences that will leave me sore in areas I didn’t know existed in my body until now. At least we’ll get some cute pictures out of it—which we will also pay Shutterfly to put into a $75 bridal memory book when all is said and done. Cheers.”

OK, it felt good to get that out. … I’m also sorry if that was overboard, but we can all agree it was accurate. Alright, back to the point of this chapter: me explaining how much I love crop tops … Just kidding, just kidding. I know it’s about being in weddings in your twenties.

And here’s my best advice for it all—take it or leave it:

1) Unless you’re a hermit or a nun or an extremely dislikable person (which I’m very sure you’re not), you will get asked to stand by your friends on their big day. In all sincerity, what an honor. It’s as if they’re telling you they like you so much, you’ve been chosen to live on in their wedding photos forever. These photos are not only the most prominent photos of their existence, but they will be shown to thousands of people over their lifetime. Now you see why we spend small fortunes to look so good on that day. So try to remember this when you get asked to be in a wedding. You should feel flattered, because at the end of the day, they really can ask whoever they want, and they asked you.

2) This also means, however, that just because you got asked to be in a wedding, there is no automatic assumption that you have to say yes—at least I don’t think so. I honestly considered saying no to a wedding or two simply because I knew I probably couldn’t afford it. But I did end up finding a way, and made some adjustments, and said yes with gladness. Offering a sincere but grateful no (with very good reason) is OK too, though.

3) Also, just remember, as a bridesmaid, you are playing a supporting role. You are the “baby Cameron Diaz” in this situation and the bride is “Julia Roberts,” if you will—because the bride is the star. The whole movie (or the whole day, in this case) is centered around her. You are not the headliner here, so try not to act like a diva. The bride’s stardom will be fleeting and will probably only happen once, so treat her like the leading lady she is. I know the version of pink she picked out probably doesn’t suit your skin tone as much as you want it to, and you’d prefer to use that extra money to take a beach trip rather than a bachelorette trip—but it’s happening, so learn to love it and live it up. One day, when you’re not the “Cameron” anymore, she will do the same for you, and she’ll treat you like the star.

4) Also, please remember (and this point is vital): don’t ever attempt to throw a shower of any kind on your own. Don’t you dare do that. Assemble a team, a stellar team, and delegate your little butt off. If you’re taking care of food, someone else should take care of décor, and then someone else should take care of activities. We’ve lost gaggles of zealous bridesmaids over the years who’ve attempted to throw showers by themselves. May they rest in peace—and also probably in debt, and in a dress they overpaid for. Yikes.

5) As much as you can, as often as you can, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate—every moment. I’ve never been a bride, but I can imagine it may be hard to be as present for every moment of your wedding experience as one would want to be. So help her, in a kind and gentle and upbeat way, to celebrate all the things. The bride receiving her first-ever china set is a moment worth celebrating. Dancing your little tails off at a sketchy club for her bachelorette party is worth documenting and remembering. When she sees her wedding bouquet for the first time, it’s a big deal. Her last night as a single woman—having one final sleepover with her best gals—is something she will always want to remember. And I’m assuming that using the little price-gun thing that helps you register for towels at Target is the most exciting thing that could ever happen to anyone—so celebrate and take cute pictures.

You’re there to shine a light on her—even if she is too busy or too happy or too stressed to notice. Because we all know most awards given to incredible leading ladies are often made possible by the performances of their incredible supporting ladies. That’s what we do, over and over again: we support, and we shine the celebratory light where it needs to go. And one day, you may reach a point where it’s harder to say yes to that role, the supporting one—because it feels like you’re the one who keeps getting looked over for the lead. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’m there right now.

But try to see her wedding as her big break, albeit before you, but certainly not instead of you. Your day in the sun will come in one way or another, I really believe that. Even if you have to work yourself up to celebrating her in a big way while you’re present, only to cry a little later when you’re alone, that’s quite alright.

When all else fails, dance like a maniac to three different versions of the “Cupid Shuffle,” or make out with a cute groomsman when it’s all over, or sneak wedding cake out in your purse so you can munch on it on the way home—or some combination of the three (except maybe the making out with a random groomsman bit; don’t do that). Actually, who cares! Do what you gotta do, girl, do what you gotta do.

And wear that lilac gown like a queen and then figure out how to repurpose it into a pillowcase or fancy head-wrap or some kind of tablecloth in the future. Because we both know you’re never wearing it again. Thank God.